i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
