I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's never too late to be topless.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
