Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
