A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
