i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
