At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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