Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
