shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
