I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
