Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
