When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
