I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Bring me that man meat
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
