Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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