Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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