I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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