what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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