I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
