You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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