Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
