I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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