do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You are a genius and a whore.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
