i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
