I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
