idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
