I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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