She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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