i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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