i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
