Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
