what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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