the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
