when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
