dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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