So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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