So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
