where am i from again
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
