Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
