Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
