Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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