Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
