sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
