Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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