bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
