I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
