I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
