The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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