Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
