i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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