I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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