UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
