I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
