am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
