Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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